Loss

I am at a loss.
A loss for words.
Yesterday was a good day.
We talked. Best time,
Enjoyable conversation, yet,
a faraway look, in her eyes.

Destroys me. I keep my
emotions in check,
when I want to cry, like now,
hours after I left her.
Went to bed at 10:30, and
awoke at 01:30. It is now
03:00 a.m.

How stupid am I?
It is so difficult for me.
Going to make the
decision for Hospice Care,
with the Drs. permission.

Hospice in my mind, is
the last step. A peaceful exit
from the suffering of my beloved.
God, I hate this.